Trishala Dutt shared this memory of her late boyfriend (courtesy trishaladutt)

New Delhi:

Sanjay Dutt’s daughter Trishala Dutt, who lost her boyfriend in July last year, opened up about dealing with the death of the love of her life in a heart-wrenching Instagram post on his death anniversary. Trishala Dutt opened up about attending therapy and joining support groups to deal with the loss. Trishala, who is a therapist in New York, revealed she quit her job and developed an eating disorder after her boyfriend’s death, adding she gradually coped with her mental health issues and in a better space now. In her post, Trishala wrote she’s glad to have a few of her boyfriend’s prized possessions as memorabilia, which remind her of him. Trishala Dutt is actor Sanjay Dutt’s daughter with his first wife Richa Sharma, who died of brain tumour in 1996.

Here’s what Trishala Dutt shared on her boyfriend’s first death anniversary: “Today marks one year since the ground beneath me seemed to crumble and my life changed. I’ve done a lot of grief work – from talk therapy, to joining specific support groups and being more intentional with how and who I spend my time with. I’ve also been somewhat absent from social media over the past year.

Losing my mom at the age of eight and working through that for over two decades, surprisingly, did not prepare me for losing this beautiful soul. It’s not just the passage of time, you don’t get over it or move on just because a year or twenty go by. You have to face the darkest moments and ride out the rollercoaster of emotions for the rest of your life. I knew grief wasn’t only sadness, however, I’d forgotten it creeps up in the sneakiest of ways.

In the past year I’ve cried to a point where I’ve ran out of tears. I had to quit my job because how could I take care of someone’s mental health if my own was a disaster? I’ve had several public breakdowns where strangers have come up to me and asked if I needed any assistance. I’ve also eaten everything in sight and gained 30 lbs (13kg). But it’s fine. It happens. It’s the process, and it’s nothing I can’t fix once I’m in the right mind-set (and I’m happy to share my mental health and physique has gotten so much better!)

Also, I’m not ashamed to admit it’s because of an amazing therapist, support groups, and 3 beautiful friends. Everyone processes loss differently, and there’s no right way to do it.

However, for me, in this current moment, it’s helpful to be surrounded by things that remind me of him. I have text messages and handwritten notes. I still have his toothbrush, listen to some of his favourite songs/artists, and have his T-shirt that smells just like him. I’m beyond grateful for the time we had together. He lived his life boldly, out loud, and took advantage of each and every day authentically. He was the utmost gentleman who always made me feel safe. He made me laugh and loved to joke around. He was kind, gentle, thoughtful, and always chose to put me first. He was helpful, supportive, and a great listener. He trusted me, took good care of me, and took great care of my heart. He respected me, never judged me, and welcomed me into his family. He never left my side, never ever let me go to bed upset, or left me wondering where I stood in his life. He made sure to let me and everyone else know that I was his entire heart every second of every day. To me, he was magic. It was a joy to be a part of his life. He will always be a part of my journey, and my story. My memories are all I have left of him, and I will never ever forget him. I’m half a heart without him, but even with that, I still and will always be and feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world to have been his… as he was mine.

October 07, 1986 – July 02, 2019″

In October last year, Trishala shared a heart-breaking birthday post for her late boyfriend, writing: “”Not a day, not a second, not a moment goes by where I don’t think about you.”

Last year, just days after the death of her boyfriend, Trishala attended a wedding and poured her heart out on Instagram with this note: “It took every fiber in my being to pick myself up, get ready, smile and attend a phenomenal wedding this weekend of one of my closest friends’ beautiful sister. My bestie looked exceptionally stunning and the bride looked breathtakingly beautiful. These few weeks have been excruciating for me but I’m doing my best to be okay.”