Printers are lifeless. No one buys them anymore and nobody even wants them. At least, that’s what you individuals say. By “you people,” I imply, you individuals who don’t purchase or “use” printers anymore.

Well I received information for you: We all received collectively final night time and determined that your days of freeloading are lastly over.

By “we,” I imply these of us who nonetheless preserve a serviceable printer up and operating. In my case, I’m right down to only one energetic printer from a excessive of 5—a Canon all-in-one inkjet—whereas my solely different printer, a Brother colour laser printer sits offline as quiet as Chernobyl reactor 4 as a consequence of an unlucky off-brand toner accident. 

I nonetheless rigorously observe the ink on the Canon to ensure every of the person six—yeah, six, rely ‘em—color slots is sufficiently full and there’s a spare readily available for when the ink will get low. Sure, it’s annoying and costly, however I like having a printer out there to me at any time. 

And the factor, is so do you individuals—it’s simply that you just don’t wish to pay for it. Sure, you dismiss the necessity for a printer with a wave of the hand and make snarky feedback about printers and the individuals who purchase them. But each few months I get that ding on my cellphone and a message that reads: “Hey, are you home? Can I print something?”

Like a move to a live performance, a contract you might want to signal, or a authorities type, after which one other authorities type.

“How come you don’t have a printer anymore?” I ask. The response: “I don’t need one.”

And that’s the place final night time’s group assembly is available in. I talked to them—everybody who nonetheless has a printer—and we’ve collectively determined to cease enabling your freeloading methods.

No extra Phish live performance tickets, no extra Braniff boarding passes, and no extra passport purposes can be printed for you at 10 p.m. on a Sunday.

Even worse for you individuals, freeloading off your workplace is coming to an finish, too. You see, you assume work doesn’t care or know that you just’re firing off 100-page PDFs on the corporate printer, however these sharp-eyed services managers do. They know that these Ikea furnishings directions aren’t work-related they usually’ve identified it for years as a result of each print job is tracked and monitored. It didn’t matter earlier than, however with belts being tightened and fewer individuals coming into the workplace in any respect, your abuse of the work printer stands out like a sore thumb now—so yeah, you may solely print work-related paperwork at work now. The memo—printed out—is in your sizzling desk.

So now you’ll must fend for your self and perhaps truck your butt right down to that 24-hour FedEx Center within the subsequent city over at 1 a.m. and pay them 49 cents to $15 a web page to get your arduous copies.

It didn’t have to finish this manner, after all. Even although you’ve by no means a lot as given me a buck for the printer use, I didn’t thoughts it, as serving to others is constructed into the DNA of each upstanding printer proprietor.

But all of the printer dismissal, all of the shrugs and “who wants ‘em?” has finally come to a head, and told the rest of us what you think: That we’re both suckers for making our printers out there to you, or historic fossils for even sustaining a printer at residence.

Maybe after you’ve racked up sufficient printing prices at FedEx, you’ll notice that, sure, you want a printer too. Until then, your printer-freeloading privileges are lower off.