It’s an odd factor to say a couple of present set throughout a zombie apocalypse, however I had a searing second of recognition within the sixth episode of The Last of Us. It got here throughout a uncommon second of respite, as Joel (Pedro Pascal) and his younger cost, Ellie (Bella Ramsey), took a break from their cross-country trek in Jackson, Wyoming. Joel’s brother Tommy, who’s arrange a largely zombie-free life there, gives him a brand new pair of trainers. A dam breaks inside Joel.

“There are moments where the fear comes up out of nowhere and my heart feels like it’s stopped,” he says in a quavering voice. “I’m failing in my sleep … it’s all I do. It’s all I’ve ever done.”

At that second, I popped out from below my blanket on the sofa and shouted, “You are not failing! You have not failed! She’s still alive!” That’s after I realized that for me, watching HBO’s newest hit present had progressed past mere leisure. It was a type of catharsis to look at another person mother or father by means of a deadly pandemic. 

I’m fairly positive that each new mother or father has been struck by worry at their child’s overwhelming dependency. When you might be first handed a new child, its heavy head is barely connected to its physique. How are you—an imbecile who as soon as needed to save herself from alcohol poisoning by throwing up—presupposed to care for a creature whose head might fall off at any minute? 

Luckily, plenty of the catastrophic situations merely don’t come to cross. The child’s head doesn’t fall off (normally). They eat, or get hungry after which eat. Taking care of a reliant human turns into regular. 

By the time my second child turned 2 in 2019, I assumed I had discovered to not sweat the small issues. I now not bought freaked out about what automobile seat to purchase or whether or not he slept by means of the night time. (Sleeping? What’s that?) But one thing modifications when the disaster turns into actual. It’s not simply in your head. What occurs when you’ll be able to now not reassure your self, “Meh, most kids go through this and live”? 

Now, three years after the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic, the rawness of that early worry has been blunted by time, dependable masks, and vaccines. It’s onerous to keep in mind that we had been as soon as alone, reducing up outdated T-shirts to cowl our noses and mouths and wiping down groceries with Lysol. Having small children (and a grouchy outdated canine) made the early days of lockdown each simpler and tougher. There had been nonetheless so many moments of pure pleasure. But when Delta peaked in August of 2021, I made the agonizing resolution to homeschool them for one more 4 months till my daughter could possibly be vaccinated. 

Taking the lengthy view, 4 months was not so lengthy. But like Joel, I had my darkish night time of the soul as my then-first-grader watched everybody else troop again to our native neighborhood faculty, alone, from our front room window. “I can’t do this,” I cried to my husband. “If I make a mistake, they could die.”