Annie Liontas is a professor of writing at George Washington University. Their earlier e-book is Let Me Explain You.

Simon & Schuster

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Simon & Schuster

Annie Liontas is a professor of writing at George Washington University. Their earlier e-book is Let Me Explain You.

Simon & Schuster

When Annie Liontas was 35, they received into a motorcycle accident whereas driving and not using a helmet. They hadn’t damaged any bones, and there wasn’t signal of serious blood loss, however one thing wasn’t proper.

Liontas, who identifies as genderqueer, and makes use of they/them pronouns, remembers calling a buddy and not likely understanding what he was saying — or the phrases that have been popping out of their very own mouth. They ended up on the hospital, feeling disoriented. It was as if “the world [had] started to sort of pull apart a little bit, like it almost felt like taffy,” they recall. A CAT scan confirmed that Liontas had sustained a concussion.

Though Liontas appeared to get well from the preliminary mind harm, two fluke incidents within the 12 months that adopted exacerbated their situation. First, a child automotive seat fell onto their head at a giant field retailer, after which a pot fell on them whereas they have been watering vegetation.

An creator and writing professor at George Washington University, Liontas continues to dwell with the repercussions of the three mind accidents. “If I shake the orange juice too hard, that could lead to a migraine. If I tap my head on a shelf — and I mean tap — that can lead to a migraine,” they are saying.

In the brand new memoir, Sex With a Brain Injury, Liontas describes how their concussion led to dizziness, reminiscence fog and anger — and impacted their marriage and intercourse life.

“Nothing is unclaimed by this kind of injury,” Liontas says. “Not only do you lose TV or music or reading, but even just being in your body in this way that is about connection, suddenly was not available to me for a very long time.”

The pressure from the concussion practically ended Liontas’ marriage, however finally, Liontas says, they’ve managed to discover a “new normal”: “[My wife] was worried that who I’d been was gone forever — and who we had been was also gone,” they are saying. “But we also are much more honest in certain ways with one another, and can see and support one another, I think, with more fortitude and resilience now. We laugh at more things together — because you kind of have to.”

Interview highlights

On experiencing three mind accidents within the span of 1 12 months

I used to be in a bit of little bit of disbelief [when the car seat fell on me], like, no, this cannot be one other concussion. It wasn’t like hitting my head on asphalt. It’s only a field. I’m in a retailer. There’s shiny lights. Like, I’ve to be secure there. This cannot be occurring. And, positive sufficient, it was far worse than the primary harm, which … I had type of come out of that OK. But that second harm occurred, and the signs have been compounding. …

The third harm was additionally a little bit of a fluke. I used to be watering a plant and the pot fell. In hindsight, now, nothing is allowed above my head anyplace. I imply, I’ll go to a lodge and take the portray off a wall if I’ve to. I believe this is quite common for people who find themselves affected by head accidents that you just develop into, on the worst of it, there is a type of paranoia that may overtake you. But, at the perfect, you are fairly diligent and conscious. And, I ought to say, that that extends past me too; now my spouse has an alertness, and my finest buddy has an alertness.

On blaming themself for the accidents

If one thing occurs thrice, you get hit within the head thrice with a coconut, you are kind of like, why am I sitting below this tree? For me, I believe, I’ve began to assume that there is this unsolvable knot that all of us have. And by age 35, 37, no matter you have been working from, evading, indulging, it type of catches up with you. For me, a few of it’s simply unhealthy luck, however … loads of it was that I assumed that I might get via life utterly independently of everybody, together with my spouse. I might simply hold caring for myself. But, in fact, people aren’t constructed that manner, and should you’re injured or sick, you possibly can’t. You are in a totally new, weak place. But the issue with head harm, delicate head harm significantly, is that it is so invisible, we do not see it. We don’t know persons are strolling round with this situation. Plenty of the individuals closest to me have been nervous that this was one thing else, that it was anxiousness, that it was despair.

On a take a look at within the hospital during which they have been requested to attract a clock

It was so disturbing. There are sure features of your individual data that you just simply take with no consideration, even while you’re unraveling. And that was considered one of perhaps two or three cases in my restoration after I noticed myself mirrored again to myself. … The practitioner requested me to attract a clock and simply put the numbers the place they need to go. And they have been all bunched up like I used to be a primary grader, and I did not even get the 6 proper. … That was the begin to a reasonably lengthy highway of recalibration.

On having a disaster of self as a result of they may now not learn or write

I used to be grappling with this disaster of the conceptualized self. This is what the philosophers name it while you actually go from understanding who you might be at some point to the rug type of being pulled out from below you. And for me, it was like, as a author, as an energetic individual, as somebody who was sturdy in physique and thoughts and spirit to be actually weak and incapacitated, to not be capable of write, to not be capable of really feel assured in entrance of a classroom, … that basically taxed me and it is one thing that I’ve been crawling again from and grappling with.

On counting on their spouse in restoration

We do have a type of cultural framework round most cancers, to have the ability to reply to in a manner that we do not have fairly but for circumstances like traumatic mind harm. And so it was this massive paradigmatic shift for us in our personal non-public relationship, the place abruptly the roles have been shifting, or we needed to be current for each other in ways in which we hadn’t been earlier than. It was an actual take a look at. … Even should you’re ranging from a very sturdy place, one thing like mind harm can actually rock the connection. …

I’m grateful that I’m with somebody who understands that love calls for a type of elasticity so that folks can develop and may change. And, in fact, on this context, within the context of the mind harm, that needed to occur too quick. And that was the rationale for the pressure and the problem. But additionally, I imply, we simply determined we will hold attempting – and that does make all of the distinction.

On getting via a protracted interview

Just to be clear, as a result of I’d hate to misrepresent the situation, I’ve loads of notes in entrance of me, and I memorized elements of those solutions, and I kind of handled this like finding out for the boards. Mostly as a result of I do know that it is actually vital to get the data on the market. But I additionally assume it is vital to be clear about the truth that this does take loads of work, this extroversion and relaying of this sort of data. And I simply need individuals on the market who’re struggling to know that I can admire that that is what they are going via.

Sam Briger and Thea Chaloner produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Diane Webber tailored it for the net.